Robbies new addiction

CALIFORNIA, UNITED STATES: As the newest, vain and pathetic attempt to present himself to the world as a tortured genius, former boy-band member Robbie Williams admitted he was now addicted: to sellotape.

In the absense of any substance that Williams hasn't already claimed to be adicted to from alcohol, men, cocaine, sex, painkillers, cigarettes, coffee and well, everything, Williams has invented a new addiction: Getting hooked on stationary.

Friends are already worried that his sellotape problem has already spiralled out o control and fear he has progressed onto stronger substances, such as double sided sticky tape.

He told doctors at the Priory, "It's like sellotape, man. But double the effects and twice as strong!".