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Clutch bags too big to clutch

What is this? We all know the trick of wearing big watches and accessories to make the rest of you look smaller but this is ridiculous. A lot of Celebs have been spotted with gigantic clutch bags. What have they got in those things? Walking sticks? Bikes? Canoes? Whatever, they look ridiculous. Get a clutch bag or a handbag or a rucksack, but make your mind up.

X-Factor perfume

Wrong on so many levels. No celebrities should wear it. No wanna-be celebrities should wear it. No one should wear it. It's that simple. Unless you want to smell like tacky nonsense.

SS Soldier Chic

Prince Harry proved that the over the top Nazi uniform was a bad look. While Posh has taken a more subtle approach, this homage to the Hitlers most hated henchmen is still a bad move. We like dark and mysterious, but come-in-to-the-bedroom-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-take-your-family-away dark and mysterious is a little bit too much for us. And wasn't military chic two years ago?

(Thanks to The Sun for the photo.)

Doggy Bag

Please! This is one take away that shouldn't be allowed. Apparently Paris Hilton has a Prada handbag exclusively for Mr Doggy-Woggy's poopies. I've got a better idea - get a real dog, not a little rat. What's the point of taking a dog fow walkies when you're going to stuff the bow-wow in a handbag? To look cool? Cruel more like. Celebrities, you have been warned.

Nazi Handbag

Bit of a no-brainer this one. But seemingly fashion chain Zara has no brains. They had to pull this handbag after some complaints. What a suprise! No celebrities had time to buy one thank goodness, and the fashion advice is very much this: no Nazi paraphenalia. Prince Harry, I'm talking to you.

What is it with the olden-times hats?

Charlie Chaplin or Odd-Job looked rather comical in a bowler hat, so why are the celebs rushing to wear them? What's worse, I saw a couple of stars spotted wearing one of these, ridiculous top hats! They just make you look like an old grandad - from a hundred years ago. In fact this picture above is Sienna Miller yesterday. See how the hat excentuates her big ears, crows feet and moustache? That's how you look celebrities. Don't do it!

Spot the Dog

Wigs for dogs. Let's nip this one in the bud! There is no excuse for getting a dog that would get beaten up by a cat, let alone getting it lickle-wittle clothes or putting it in your handbag as a fashion accessorie. Even if you must do that, please, please, please don't buy your rat a wig.

Bobble hats

Remeber at school when you wouldn't wear them because they looked silly? Well guess what? They do. So don't wear them this year, celebrities, please.

Wellies

Funky is not a word you should be aspiring to when it comes to fashion. It's like trendy. You want to be it, but if thats the only word to describe your clothing, then it isn't!

Funky Wellies are shit. No one should wear them. Maybe at glastonbury, when it's all ironic, as a joke, but not on the high street. So why do celebrities do it? You don't need to wear wellies on the Kings Road, just like you don't need a 4x4. And putting lovely flowery patterns on them does not show that you are a care-free and happy, out going rock chick. It shows you are colour-blind. You have been warned.

And ones with high heels?! Please somebody shoot me!

Not Funny!

You can see what she is trying to do and I suppose it is different. But the las thing you want from a pair of shades is to look like a 1930's funny man's eyebrows. To replicate this look, just pop down to your local joke shop.

Bowler hat unlikely return?!

Celbrities. Don't do it to yourselves. The bowler hat is not making a comeback and it's quite right that it shouldn't. You know that Charlie Chaplins character was called the Tramp didn't you? Well now you do. So stop this fashion disaster now before its too late.