Dog-herty's Crack Cat

Is Pete Doherty's cat on crack? Click here to see a pic and make your mind up. And did you know crack squirrels are a recognised problem in American parks? Remember, Friends of Celebrities don't let celebrities feed crack to their pets!

I'm a drug pusher. A-Haaaaa!

The news on Owen Wilson is better. He is recovering from his drug overdose and wrist slashing suicide attempt. (Get well soon from the Friends of Celebrities!) But now the blame has been pushed away from his split with Kate Hudson and firmly into the lap of Alan Partridge actor Steve Coogan and his wild, party, drug lifestyle.

And who is making such accusations? Well, it is sober, virgin angel Courtney Love. All three of these people should all get in contact with the Friends of Celebrities. We'll sort you out. And when I say 'we'll sort you out' I mean emotionally, not 'with as much drug as you can stick in your body'.

Don't drug drive kids...

Otherwise you'll spend about...oh...an hour in jail, like Nicole Richie's miniscule sentence.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. And when the time is 82 minutes, you probably can afford to do the crime.

Remember, Friends of Celebrities don't let Celebrities drive.

I said "Oh, Oh, Oh no." Amy Wino heroin fight shock.

Seems Amy won't be visiting the Hawley Arms as much these days. She's found a new tipple: Injecting heroin in her little toes. She and her husband too a scratching screaming fight on one of Londons busiest streets yesterday. Make up all over the place arguements with her brother and parents.Read all about it here in The Sun. Although heroin doesn't fit her name as well for my pun generator as 'Wino' does. So, Amy for all our sakes, stick to the booze.

She says, 'Yes, yes, yes'.

According to the Mirror, Amy Winehouse was told by her family to go to rehab, and has now, finally agreed. Read the story here.